Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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