Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
