Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
