this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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