We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
