yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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