I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
