He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dick very happy bro
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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