girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
