I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
