Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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