i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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