Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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