i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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