I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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