I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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