Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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