every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
