i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
