Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
