He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
