I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
