My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
