the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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