Will you blow on my dice?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
