nut hugger
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There's always time for handjobs
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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