I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
