All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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