My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
