put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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