If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
