Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
