Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
