Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
