I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
