oh god the rape fog is back!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
