my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
