No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
