I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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