do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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