Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
