Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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