He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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