Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
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