we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
