whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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