so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
