Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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