Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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