imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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