It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
