he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
