I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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